Hubby-Less

Today was my first full day with Kody being over 300 miles away. It's actually the first day we've had apart since our wedding over two months ago. I feel like a fairly independent person, but this distance is rough. I'm really not sure how military couples handle the distance, because it's tough on me, and I know it is difficult on him, too. You become so used to having someone in your life that when they have to move out, you feel so lonely. So vulnerable.

I plan to visit him as often as I can and I plan to make this work. I don't know how long I'll be able to handle the distance, but I'm going to try my hardest to busy myself with work for the next three years while he's in school.

We knew when we got married there was the chance he would still get into grad school, and when that opportunity arrived, we knew he had to take it. God works in mysterious ways and I know it's no coincidence he got into the school he did, having the opportunity to live rent-free with my mom only a half mile away from the school.

I can't wait until the day he graduates. That's the day that will make all this worth it.

Judgment

Romans 2:1 (NIV) - God’s Righteous Judgment
You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge another, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things.

Image via http://antitrustlair.files.wordpress.com 

I am a judgmental person. I feel we all are at times. However, what really bothers me is when those closest to me are judgmental toward my actions and decisions.

I was called greedy today for all the things I had on my bridal registry thus far. Kody and I went on Saturday to Bed, Bath, and Beyond to register, and after several hours came back with about 200 things on our list. Our consultant told us that we were being overly conservative both in the number overall items and in the price of items on our list. Our only "expensive" item was a KitchenAid mixer (which is totally worth it, he said).

So, being told I am being greedy and look pretentious from someone who:

1. has never been married and never done a registry
2. is guilty of being "greedy" in many facets of her life
3. has no idea what Kody and I are going through with the pressure of our wedding
4. wasn't there when he and I went out of our way to avoid things we already own and to choose the cheapest items we possibly could

....is frustrating to me. I can't wait to see what this person is like when she one day gets married. Things completely change when you actually have to make the decisions now. When you have a consultant telling you this is the one and only chance for you to get those nice things from those who love you and want to spend the money on you, you feel like your decisions are worth it.

Sure, Kody and I put things on there we would NEVER buy ourselves. But it is more of a wishlist than anything. I am told time and time again that I will be shocked by the sheer generosity of those I invite and by the number of gifts I do receive, no matter how small my guest list. I am not creating these registries with a greedy heart and with the expectation that I will receive it all. Heck, if I get half of it, I will be shocked. I want to give people options. I want to make their decisions easier. Who cares if I put three different measuring cups on there? If I give people many options, then they can choose what they want. With price points ranging from $1.99 to one thing that is $350, I feel like Kody and I are doing a great job. 

I need to stop worrying about what others think. I know everyone is going to have an opinion about my wedding, and I know I am going to get most angry when it is coming from those who have NO IDEA what is entailed in planning a wedding, but I need to stop sweating it. Honestly, I just want to be married. I don't need the gifts. I don't need the big ceremony and reception. I don't need an expensive dress or manicure. I just want to be married. It is these technicalities that are expected of me as a bride, so I am going to do what society wants from me. 

Once I am married, I can stop worrying about everyone else's input in the matter.

Venting

I know it has been almost a month since I last posted, and I have been really busy since I did.

• I moved into my new apartment, which feels soooooo good. I love my new place. Pics soon.
• I began my new job at WebFilings and I am loving every minute of it. I want to stay. Forever.
• CenturyLink gave me horrible customer service and I am now at 11 days of no internet that I am STILL paying for. Yay. After several attempts to contact, I should finally have it on June 12. Maybe. 
• USPS lost one of my textbooks that I mailed to someone from Amazon and he is now threatening a lawsuit against me because of it. I am SUPER frustrated about this whole ordeal.
• I am now at 364 days until I get married. Yes, that is less than a year.
• Kody and I went to Bed, Bath, and Beyond today to register for our wedding. It was fun, but also very tiring.
•  I got my hair dyed really blonde. It is pretty. 
• We got second runner up for our preliminary league at SIFE nationals in KC. Woot! Next year, we will make the semis.
• Kody and I are soooooo close to nailing down a reception site.
• I am almost done with our wedding invites and save-the-dates
• Kody and I are planning a date to get our engagement photos taken so we can use them for save-the-dates
• I began working on our wedding photo montage/video. It is cute. Here is one example of a photo that will be in use.

Stop It!

Yes, I am aware I am still in college. But thanks for informing me.


Yes, I am only 21. Thanks for reminding me.


Yes, I am ready to be married. So STOP judging me over it.


I can't believe how many people openly show their distaste in my choice to get married right after graduating college. It is driving me nuts. Yes, I really don't care what others think of me. Just stop telling me how much you dislike my decisions to my face!


We both are intelligent individuals who have planned things very carefully. We are not about to embark on marriage just because "it feels right." There is much thought and prayer in our decision. We know what we are doing is right for us. Maybe not for you, but for US. 


No, we are not making a mistake by wanting to get married young; I always knew I would be married as young as possible. Even as a young girl I wanted to be married by 23. So what? I am not giving up being a young adult or going out and partying. I am all dated out. Why not join with the person I know I want to spend the rest of my life with?


Being in a Christian relationship means God is the center of our relationship - not sex, each other, or any other worldly thing. We abstain from many things seen in a normal relationship as a means to know each other better. The 2.5 years we have been together was about a LOT more than physical and emotional attraction that most relationships of today center around.


It saddens me that people don't want to be happy about such a happy time in my life. I know I would always have non-approvers no matter what age I am or what stage in life I am. I pray those who do not believe in what Kody and I are doing to one day come around.

Lovely Revelations

I just read an amazing article from Relevant magazine that I appreciated. Not for the reason I was supposed to appreciate it for, but I appreciated it.

"But he (or she) isn't a virgin" is an article about dealing with your partner's sexually impure past. I read this all the time in Christian self-help articles. Same topic. I wasn't expecting much new from this. However, I did find out new things.

In the comments after the article, many people were commenting about how it was the female's sexual past that caused the problems while the men were perfect angels who had never done anything wrong? Really? In my life I have seen the exact opposite from relationships. It was stated like a well-known fact. Uh....what world am I living in? An alternate universe? I am sorry, but that is completely not true. I don't really want to get into this but women have fewer sexual needs and therefore remain pure most of the time (unless a guy is pressuring her).

Another thing this article made me think about was how difficult it is for engaged couples to stay pure (from what I hear). I don't understand this, because I KNOW this won't be a problem with me. I am too preoccupied planning and worrying about other things in my life to deal with those problems. Besides, it is like running a race and finally being in the home stretch (crap, I need to get back to training for a race in a few months. Bleck....) and not quitting. If I have a mile left, I don't just stop and sit down on the pavement and say "I'm done." That is the easy part! You are almost done!

I love having these revelations in my life. It brings a smile to me.

Pleasantly Wonderful Night

Yesterday, one of the most exciting events in my life occurred - I got engaged. 


Because it was New Years Eve, Kody and I decided to go out. He took me to Olive Garden and a movie (sort of). Olive Garden was amazing as always. Of course, he didn't care that I wanted almost the most expensive thing on the menu. He forced me to get it because he was paying. It was so delicious. I can't explain how much I enjoyed the meal. 


He bought a Groupon deal about a month ago where we could go see a movie at the Nova in Des Moines, but apparently the Nova doesn't update their showtimes online. The showing we wanted for Girl with a Dragon Tattoo was no longer playing. Because we couldn't find anything else we wanted to see, we went back to his house to watch a movie on Netflix.


We chose "No Strings Attached." It was the perfect romantic comedy for the night.

Around 11:30p.m., Kody and I decided to leave his house to go to my apartment where Kaila and Matt were staying. We wanted to celebrate the New Year with them.


When we pulled out of the driveway, I noticed Kody began driving the wrong way. He told me he just wanted to turn at a stoplight because it was easier. I agreed. Then, we pulled into the Olmsted lot at Drake. I knew something was up.


"I need to get something," he said.
Okay. Cool. Not sure why it is at Drake, but I guess there could be something.
He told me to get out of the truck and walk with him.


"Oh goodness," I thought, "What on earth are we doing?"


He walked me over to the waterfall in Helmic Commons and gave me a piece of paper from his pocket. He told me to read it. I opened the folded paper.


"Turn around. Don't look at me while you read it," he said. (I should have known something fishy was going on at this point. I just assumed he had written a poem and wanted to see my reaction when I was done reading.)


It was a coupon. For his 20th birthday, I made him a coupon book of fun coupons he could "redeem". One was for a back massage. One was for a homemade dinner. They were just fun gestures. One, however, I left blank and told him he could write whatever he wanted in it. I assumed he would use it for a whole day of Football or something. I didn't expect him to actually use it for something so serious.


He wrote in: "This certificate entitles Kody Keith Lueders to a life of happiness through marriage with Eryn B. Swain."

My heart skipped. Was this happening?


"Turn around," he said.


He was down on one knee, smiling. I couldn't breathe.


"Will you marry me?" he said.


"This is really happening. This is not a dream. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh," I thought. I began crying and put my hands over my mouth.


He sat there, waiting. 
...and waiting. 


(Whoops. I forgot to answer.)


"Yes. Of course," I said. I was a mess. I couldn't believe all of that had just happened. He put the ring on my finger. This was really happening. He gave me the perfect ring on the perfect night. It was perfect. Simple, but perfect.


We went back to his truck and to my apartment to see Kaila and Matt.


I was a total mess. I couldn't believe it. (Still can't.) I am not sure if he was crying or what he was feeling. I was too shocked to think at the time. 


WOW. I am engaged to the most wonderful man I have ever met. This is really happening.

Dillemma del Dios

I am frustrated a little bit right now. I wish I could figure out what God wants for me, well more of WHO he wants for me, and know it now. I thought I knew the exact person who I was going to marry and who God had set out for me. Up to about a month ago, I could have told you with 100% certainty who it would be. However, I am getting to the point where I can no longer beat around the bush with religion.

He is Catholic. Well, he says he's Catholic. He doesn't go to church. And is not willing to even try another denomination. And I can see how he feels that it is unfair that I want him to try out the Baptist religion. However, I have looked into Catholicism, as well as many others, and I feel I most closely relate to the Baptist religion. He, on the other hand, was raised "Catholic" and does not even know the slightest what being a Catholic is about. If he did, he would actually have a fair argument. But that isn't the issue.

The issue is that I am not supposed to be unequally yoked in marriage. I am supposed to be with another church-goer and believer and raise churchy offspring in a house with a white picket fence and a dog named Sparky. Actually, Spot. I like the name Spot better for this illustration. He says he is saved and prays and worships God, and I can almost believe that. However, he does not live the Christian life. He does some things that Christians try very hard not to do, and he does them without even flinching.

So am I supposed to marry this guy and assume he will convert? Or marry him and be okay with him not going to church? Or go separate ways with him? Or...duh...duh...duh...let him go to a Catholic church? I have prayed about it, asked for a bunch of advice, and looked up things on the internet. I am getting opposing results. This website says that I can marry a nonbeliever and it will work out just fine. This one opposes it. Look at them and make your own decision. They are making me even more stuck than I was before.

Ugh. I think I need to keep praying about this some more. Then, maybe I can try to come up with a decision...