Interviews...

I just finished an interview for the Principal Financial scholarship and I have to say it went well. I am not a good interviewee and I know that, but the two people I interviewed with were amazing. I couldn't have asked for anything better in an interview process.

Happy Eryn after her interview

I really wish I would have caught each of their names because the definitely deserve a thank you note. I was relaxed, gave great responses, and felt like I had an overall great interview thanks to them. That is what interviews should look like. I need to take notes from this interview.


I am going to be honest and say that I don't think I got the scholarship but the interview provided great experience for me. I would love to say I won't be bummed to not get the scholarship, but I definitely will. I am hoping and praying for the best!

Stop It!

Yes, I am aware I am still in college. But thanks for informing me.


Yes, I am only 21. Thanks for reminding me.


Yes, I am ready to be married. So STOP judging me over it.


I can't believe how many people openly show their distaste in my choice to get married right after graduating college. It is driving me nuts. Yes, I really don't care what others think of me. Just stop telling me how much you dislike my decisions to my face!


We both are intelligent individuals who have planned things very carefully. We are not about to embark on marriage just because "it feels right." There is much thought and prayer in our decision. We know what we are doing is right for us. Maybe not for you, but for US. 


No, we are not making a mistake by wanting to get married young; I always knew I would be married as young as possible. Even as a young girl I wanted to be married by 23. So what? I am not giving up being a young adult or going out and partying. I am all dated out. Why not join with the person I know I want to spend the rest of my life with?


Being in a Christian relationship means God is the center of our relationship - not sex, each other, or any other worldly thing. We abstain from many things seen in a normal relationship as a means to know each other better. The 2.5 years we have been together was about a LOT more than physical and emotional attraction that most relationships of today center around.


It saddens me that people don't want to be happy about such a happy time in my life. I know I would always have non-approvers no matter what age I am or what stage in life I am. I pray those who do not believe in what Kody and I are doing to one day come around.

Notice the Difference

Something changed about me over Christmas break.

Yeah, I dyed my hair (somewhat) blonde. 

Yeah, I got engaged.

Those are great but I am talking about something more...intellectual?

I have had repeated people tell me they think I have matured. I am assuming they mean intellectually matured because I think I am about as physically mature as I will get. 

• I did notice I am a calmer person. That doesn't mean much for me. I was boring to begin with. I am more tired. That is probably why.
• I also noticed I have a hard time focusing on objects in class. I think I need to have my eyes checked again. I don't see well. 
• I am quieter because of these.

Could that be it?

Could it be me knowing I have a plan for the future and I now see it coming into play? Maybe it was the engagement. I have to be honest that college seems to menial compared to the real world. My internship has ruined college for me because it is better than any job I could have ever asked for. I just want it to be my full time dream job and I want college to be over.

Maybe it is not caring what others think anymore. I see the looks on some people's faces. They want to congratulate me for getting engaged but they stare at me as if they are analyzing me. They think something is wrong. I am too young. I am in college. I am just not...ready.

My mentor said he has seen changes in me for the better. I can't help but think it was something that happened, that I did, or that I experienced over break that made this happen. 

I just don't know what it is...

Calm Down, Eryn

Yesterday, in the middle of my Structures of Modern American English class, I had a panic attack. 

I had never had a panic attack before, but I am pretty certain that is what I had. I was just minding my own business, diagramming non-finite sentences, when suddenly my heart began to race, my hearing went out, my palms became sweaty, and I could barely breathe. I had to set down my pencil because my hands were shaking so violently.

I had no clue what was going on. I felt like I was going to keel over right on top of my horribly diagrammed sentence. This only lasted for about a minute, but I knew it wasn't normal.

I looked online at WebMD and the symptoms are as follows:

• Difficulty breathing.
• Pounding heart or chest pain.
• Intense feeling of terror.
• Sensation of choking or smothering.
• Dizziness or feeling faint.
• Trembling or shaking.
• Sweating
• Nausea or stomachache.
• Tingling or numbness in the fingers and toes.
• Chills or hot flashes.
• A fear that you are losing control or are about to die.

The symptoms not underlined (quoted from the WebMD page) are what I experienced.

Yep, I would call what I had a panic attack. I am not completely certain what caused it, but I don't want it to happen ever again. 

I told Kody about it and he gladly offered to skip his classes so that he could take me to the ER just to be safe. Kaila had them in the past, and she turned out having a Pulmonary Embolism. Panic attacks are signs of one, so it would be a precautionary step. However, I went on the rest of my day just fine.

I called a nurse on the United Healthcare hotline and he said not to be worried about them, just to keep note on when and where they happen. 

I guess I am fine today. I don't feel anything abnormal. I am tired from staying up too late, but that is normal for me. Kody even stayed with me an extra two hours longer than normal last night until Kaila came home to make sure I was okay. I just slept on the couch the whole time, but it made me feel safer knowing he was there if it was a sign of anything more serious.

God Watches Over Us

Here is a wonderful story that proves the existence of God and his wonderful powers. He is so good to us.

I work with a woman at Sodexo and have for about two and a half years now. She is a wonderful Godly woman who attends her Assemblies of God church multiple times a week. She is so upbeat and cheerful and loves life now that she found God about a decade ago.

Right before I started working at Sodexo, she would leave her office door unlocked whenever she needed to leave to run a quick errand or have a short break. She would shut the door but never felt the need to lock it.

One day, she left for a quick break and noticed someone out in the lobby staring at her office. She didn't think much of it, but made sure she put her purse in a drawer before leaving. When she came back, everything seemed moved around a little bit and she noticed her purse was gone from the drawer she had left it in. She immediately reported the theft but never saw the guy again. Worse, nobody else had seen him in the lobby and couldn't track him down.

Fast forward to three years later. Last night, she got a call from a local Presbyterian church about five blocks away. The called to tell her they found her purse with her wallet, car keys, glasses, and makeup in it. She couldn't believe it. Someone had found the purse in a closet in the back of the church. Of all the places it could have been found, it was found in a church.

Best of all, it was untouched. All her cash was still in the purse, her glasses, and everything she had had in the purse that day three years ago was still there. It was a little musty and the makeup was old, but she had all of her belongings again. Now, she had replaced the important things like her glasses and wallet, and had cancelled all of her credit cards, but she had them again.

When she told me about this story today, she couldn't stop smiling and saying, "there truly is a God. He watches over us." She is 100% right. I am not sure what she was to learn from that strange incident, but she now feels more and more thankful each day because He is in her life.

The strangest thing in my mind about this entire story is how often we reference the "stolen purse." 

"Oh make sure to lock the door when you leave. Don't want your purse taken!"

"Put away your belongings."

"Remember where you leave your purse when you leave the office."

Now, the final chapter of the stolen purse story is complete and that book can be closed.

Chapter 2: Over

Kody and I are embarking on our third year together. That's right, folks, today marks our 2nd year together. I can't believe I have been dating him for 2 WHOLE years. That's 1/10 of my life. 730 days. 104 weeks. Okay, now that doesn't sound like much.

Most couples my age would be engaged by now. The rest of the couples would have split up. Kody and I have  made it past that hurdle. Somehow, we made it. Through all the arguments and problems, we have made it. That horrible (nonexistent) two-year hurdle. I am glad to say that it hasn't been easy, and it hasn't been a blast, but it has been worth the struggle.

He and I are going to spend the rest of our lives together. We don't have to be that exciting couple who goes out every weekend, or who has exciting news. We like being our boring selves together. We can sit around and do homework all day, or watch Big Brother on TV. We laugh to the same jokes and get on each others' nerves in the same way. 


In essence, we are made for each other.


I can't wait until the day we make it official. But for now, we are going to live life. Together.


Here's to another two great years. And even more.

Crazy

From Merriam-Webster

Sometimes I am convinced I am crazy.

Number 2 seems to sum up my life most of the time. 

Sometimes I feel mad and insane. Sometimes I feel as if I am the only person who has issues in this world.

Impractical? I would consider myself practical. Erratic? In driving no, but in live, most of the time.

I know I am unusual and "out of the ordinary."

Does that make me crazy?

Recent events in my life are making me second-guess sanity and the definition of crazy in this world. I wish there was a clear-cut boundary in which we all had to land on one side or the other. I wish I didn't always feel like I am being judged, or that others think I am crazy, or that I am the moodiest person on this earth.

I wish I knew what crazy actually means. Maybe I already do.

Needs to be said

What is twirling around in this little brain of mind that I need to let out? Here goes:

1. I saw a guy smoking two cigarettes on his bike when I was on my way to work today. I guess it had been a rough day for him.
2. I HATE not having my computer. I don't trust Geek Squad land much.
3. We had free snow cones at work today and I had one which gave me a stomachache. I can't remember the last time something too sugary did that to me.
4. I am in love with this song right now: http://youtu.be/0_mFgxjZW2A
5. Someone called me skinny today. That made my day.
6. The doctor's office was a horrific experience that wasted two hours of my life. That ruined my day.
7. Too many people my age are getting married. It scares me. 50% of those will end in divorces, according to statistics. (From divorcerate.org )
8. When you have too much sugar, do NOT wash it down with a diet soda and more sugar. Adverse effects occur.

My home at work

The cute area to the left of my computer

A close-up of a cute BHG Photo on my desk

My homemade iced coffee

The area above and right of my computer

I have been here seven months now and I like what I have done with my place. It is a little messy but it does have a cute little area that I have made "Eryn."

Eryn's Oddities

Random thoughts:

1. It turns out that wedding photographers are over-priced. I found one reasonable company that I may look into when the time comes one day, but I think I should start hounding on family members now to take up the craft.
2. I consistently look up colors for my wedding, but I can't seem to find what I want. Here is my Pinterest Wedding pinboard with the most recent finds I would love. http://re.pn/b/gqTB
3. I am not engaged. For some reason, I just feel the need to get ahead of the game. I want to save money and have the perfect day.
4. I am really upset at my actions and thoughts lately. I have only been negative around and to others. Also, I only have negative thoughts about myself and others. Not the right path.
5. Nothing that I do will make Kody like the mint and chocolate flavor combination. He lost brownie points with that one.
6. I downloaded Firefox since Google Chrome is pissing me off. So far so good.

Laundry Day

Kaila and I needed to do laundry badly today. We were low in almost every clothing item up to this point, and we hate letting it get that bad.

We planned to do laundry on Saturday, but didn't feel up to it.

We planned on doing it Sunday, but nothing was open that we could find.

Alas, Monday came and Kaila and I found a cute little laundromat close to our apartment. 

This laundromat, amply called Suds N' Duds, is about half the price of our laundromat we had been using for about the past month, and it is about 10 miles closer. Win win. 

However, this is no ordinary place to clean your clothes. We discovered there are pool tables, arcade games, a huge TV and snacks galore. One thing I am not too fond of, however, is that this location sells alcohol. I can honestly say I have never had the urge to sit and drink while my clothes were being washed. I don't just think, "Hey Kaila, let's have a nice cold one while our clothes clean themselves!" How responsible of us would that be? 

Not to mention, I saw at least half a dozen people order said alcohol. I hate how "normal" alcohol is in our daily lives. I hate how people abuse this drink and act as if it will solve all the world's problems. Worse, I hate how it is sold EVERYWHERE. Who would have thought you could buy beer at the same place you clean your clothes?

Whatever the case, I think Kaila and I will be returning to this laundromat to clean our clothes. I don't care about the beer readily available, even to minors. I just want to clean my clothes.

Day of Fathers

Father's Day is today. I sent my dad a text and he thanked me. I should have called but he is always awkward on the phone and I can tell he doesn't care to speak so much as to text. Therefore, a text is what he got. Kaila and I bought him a gift online (that should have been here like a week ago) and we will bring it to him when we visit home in a few weeks. 

I am sad Kaila and I live so far away from our parents on days like these. I mean, I searched for a picture of Kaila, my dad and I together and I couldn't find a single one! I feel like I don't appreciate my parents enough and I certainly do not spend enough time with them. Just thinking about it now, Kaila and I have several dozen pictures all over apartment and only one photo has our parents in it. That photo, however is from Easter in about 1997.

My wonderful daddy!

Some families complain because they spend too much time together and don't have enough time apart. Well, I have to say to anyone who is in that situation to truly thank God for your family. I thank Him daily for my family, even though I know they will always be a 5-hour car drive away. 

So to all the dads out there, happy Father's Day! I hope it is a great one for every single father. 

What I Love

⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.⁸ Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

-From 1 Cor 13:4-8

I have to say my favorite verse in the Bible is the first part of verse 8: Love never fails. I know how hokey that truly sounds but in my mind it is everything but hokey. I honestly believe that with the love of God, the love in our brothers and sisters, we can't fail. I mean, isn't that what our lives are about: showing the love of God and loving others in the process?

Now, I am not going to go off on some Rob Bell phrase. Sure, Love Wins, is pretty much another way to say "love never fails," but I think he has it a little wrong. (Take a deep breath). I am not going to rant about that now.

What I really want to talk about is the love in my life right now. I saw so much love when my parents visited recently to make sure Kaila was okay. I sometimes forget how wonderful they are until I see them again. I take for granted the fact that I even have parents in the first place, much less that both of them will stop their lives for nearly a week for us. That is so inspiring to me.

Nextly, (I know that is not a word but I really like it) I wish I showed more love in my life. For instance, I made a somewhat rude and highly opinionated post on a discussion board for my summer online history class about Mormons. I in no way hate Mormons - in fact, I feel bad for them. I went on to say how the religion is a joke, and well, it didn't get any better from there. According to Kaila, I was offensive. I see that now. I was offensive. That is pretty much how I am. I showed no love for the Mormons. I hope no Mormons are in my class. I am already on the blacklist, I am sure.

It is my goal this summer to show more love to those around me. I am not good at it, but I really need to try. I feel better when I am not the snarky, opinionated version of myself. Who am I kidding? When I am not myself. I am opinionated and I like to be heard. I feel that I have a voice for a reason and I need to use it. This usually happens at others' expense. Not great of me.

So, I am going to show others I love them. I already love most people in my life, but I do not show it very well. What things in my life right now do I love? I am sure there are plenty...

1. Kittens. I really wish I had one right now.
2. Cats. See video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mTTwcCVajAc (she sums it up well)
3. Kody. He is so patient and caring ALL THE TIME. It tires me how patient and caring he is. He deserves someone less crazy but he chose me. Now he's stuck. Too bad for him.
4. Kaila. She is pretty much the best thing in my life. She always has been. It will never change.
5. Chocolate. It is the reason I no longer fit into my high school clothes.
6. Peanut butter. It is another reason I no longer fit into said clothes.
7. God. That should be #1 but I was so preoccupied with cats. #1 theoretically.
8. My family. They all live far away but I do love them anyway.
9. My church. This includes my church family.
10. My status. I could be poor and living on the street with no job but God has blessed me with the best job in the world along with a great apartment and wonderful life. I couldn't ask for more (actually, I do ask for more quite often. but I don't need more by any means.)

So, that is love in my life. I could use more. That list should be 10X as long. It will be one day.

Stress and Destressing

I just made it through one of the most difficult weeks of my entire life. It was busy, and stressful, and scary. I feel that the end of the semester will always be like this for me: projects, tests, group work, events, and the list goes on.

I took an Advertising Principles test on Monday. I do not think I did as well as I would have liked. I studied for that test. Hardly. But I did study, which is a jump from the last Ad Principles test I took. I wasn't on my A game that day.

Wednesday was a Sociology test. got an 84. Story of my life. However, what is not the story of my life is the fact that I CAN'T get an A in that class. 89 is the highest possible score for me. I cried for about 2 hours after learning that. I tried so hard in that class to make it make sense to me and I failed. I might as well have given up half way through, because an 80 and an 89 are the same on a transcript. I felt like a complete and total failure. I wanted to die. I truly wanted to die right there. I have now come to the point where I am in denial and I feel like there has to be some way to still get that A. While I know this is untrue, that is the best I can do for now. My life HAS to go on somehow.

Thursday brought two more tests: Business Law and Marketing. Business Law was difficult to say the very least. I did not feel as unprepared as I truly was for that test. It gave me a headache. And I have a feeling that I did much worse than most of the others I know. After comparing answers, I did awful. Another B class? I truly hope not. Marketing was difficult as well. I don't know what my problem was, but I continually second guessed myself the entire time. I know I was well studied for that test, and I know that there wasn't much outside of what I did do to help in the process. I know this one is going to be up more to luck than anything.

Today is Friday. The day where all of my stress is gone. Nope. I have dishes (which is Kaila's duty once again), taking out the trash, cleaning up, buying some stuff to Kaila and I to drink, and making my bed. This can, and will, take many hours. I have been awake for over an hour now and have accomplished nothing yet. I really need to get my rear end in gear. I am just so worn out from my week that I can't force myself to do anything just yet. I want to relax for once this week. Just once. But I must go and workout now.

Story Time!

It is official: I am taking 18 credits next semester. This scares me a little, but I think I can handle it. I do know that I will have less free time but I think that is OK with me. I have come to the point where I can have one bad year (sophomore year) and make the last two years amazing. Many people may think I am losing my mind, but I am certainly not. Sure, Drake is a difficult school, but I think I am a little smarter than the average bear (or at least I act like it).

Don't get me wrong, this has been the worst semester of my life BY FAR, but I think it was the many other things that played into the stress as well. Sophomore year of high school was the most stressful and now college is going to be the same way. I have come to terms with it.

I am perfectly aware of the fact that I usually pull myself too thin; it is just the way that I am. I honestly have to have at least a little bit of stress in my life to function. No stress is a no-go for me. I do not believe that is abnormal for me to want this in my life. Just call me Type A and move on with it, already.

I am beginning to realize just how average my writing skills are, and I am NOT okay with that. I should write and read more often to stay up on my basic skills. I actually had to look up how to put an apostrophe at the end of Memphis. For the record, it is Memphis's, in case you wanted to know. This is why I am excited for my two English classes next semester. Not only is writing my passion, but I need to improve on it as well.

The moral of the story, kids is this:

1. Deal with stress as you have to deal with it. For me, that means creating more stress.
2. Use it or lose it. This is more true than I ever thought possible.

Life According to Eryn

Yesterday was a nice day. Well, I enjoyed it at least. And that makes it nice.

At Ryan and Lisa's, we had a Clarity meeting where we talked about the future of Clarity. However, I have no idea why I was invited to this meeting. Maybe it was because I live at the place it was hosted at. Or maybe they truly wanted my input. Whatever the case was, I felt like God was truly working at the meeting. We were able to stay on-topic for nearly 3 hours and come to some amazing conclusions. I can't wait to see the new creation that occurs as we continue to brainstorm on this idea.

I had the most boring day at work. Ever. Seriously there was nothing for any of us interns to do. I couldn't believe I was only there for 5 hours yesterday. It was enjoyable, but it was a little too slow for me. i did get made fun of for not drinking, however. I guess following the law is not "in" anymore. I really don't care what others think. At least they know where I stand now.

Today is going to be a great day. It is 70 degrees right now and for some reason I am tolerating Emeril Live on the television. Kaila and I are going to go for a run, and go grocery shopping, and go to Mars Cafe. I am excited for my Wednesday. I have no work, and nothing to worry about. I am celebrating this summer in true fashion by forgetting the date each and everyday. That is when I know it is summer.