Emocionada

I feel so depressed right now. While today was a great day, internally I don't feel it. My best friend is like half an hour away and it kills me that she feels more like 3 days apart. I don't realize how lonely things can get in a large house by myself. And even if Ryan, Lisa, Landon, and Adam are here, I feel like I am in my own little world. They are all great and I feel truly blessed to be living where I am right now. God is and has been on my side throughout these past couple of rough months.

Today at work was fun. I am getting to the point where I do not enjoy leaving so I try to stay as late as I can. However, I knew I had to get home and get things accomplished, so I did. I started laundry (which is just barely half way done due to my lack of motivation and lack of time) right when I got home. Then, I cleaned up my room a little bit and I finally finished filling out my financial aid information for Drake. So after signing over my firstborn child, I can now afford another year at Drake University. It feels good to have that done.

Then I spent nearly the next hour dealing with DMACC stuff. These people seriously have to be sick of me by now. There have been about 25 emails back and forth over an issue I would find to be simple. Worst of all, the people there are beginning to think I am totally inept and the issue is with me but not my computer. I don't blame em. I am going to call the place tomorrow. Maybe I will get something accomplished that way.

I turned down a night of going bowling with Kody to stay in and save a little money. I am a penny pincher, what can I say? I want to live comfortably and I enjoy staying in anyway. Honestly, who wants to go out in this weather anyway?

Lisa and I had dinner around 8 and we made pancakes with eggs. I, of course, had peanut butter pancakes. Yum, yum. I miss eating things like that. Not that I am trying to stay away from those foods, I just don't make them myself. And then I had some chocolate chip cookies. and Rice krispie treats. and some chocolate. Let's just say my run this morning was null and void. I don't understand myself at all. I can be doing soooo good for a few days and crash and burn all in one day. I feel like a failure. I hate being alone because this is what I do. Eat. Eat away the loneliness. The sadness. The pain of not looking the way I want to. I am sooo scared that I am gaining weight now that I have begun working out. It makes me sick to think about. I have to stop these issues. I just need more help, I think.