Boyfriend Blues

I cannot believe it has been almost a month since my last post. I am slacking. Majorly. So I am a little frustrated right now (when am I not?) and I feel like talking things out will help me vent a little.

I just spent the last 5 days or so with my boyfriend at his sister's house. I had a really good time, and he is so easy to live with. In just those 5 days I know I could live with him for the rest of my life without a problem. However, his lifestyle is different from mine. We are both college students, but he spends money like it is going out of style, while I am struggling to make ends meet sometimes. I am in need of a new car, so I am saving every penny I can, and he is buying new guns, and movies, and useless things. That bothers me.

Call me jealous. Yeah you are right. He has more money than I do. Well his parents have more money than I do and they give him money for....being him....so I guess it is his money. I have had to work for my hard earned money and yet I can't seem to save up enough for a car. To make matters worse, I can't even get a loan. Great. But honestly, he has loans too and things he needs to save up for. However, since it isn't affecting him now, he thinks it never will.

I want to be independent from my parents. I all ready am. His older brother (like 27 or so in age) is still on his parent's car insurance, cell phone bill, and probably still gets money from them for whatever he wants. It disgusts me. My boyfriend is going to be that way one day. I know it. He is never going to learn the value of money. That is one major issue I need to work out with him.

Another issue is purity. He doesn't have to worry about that, but I certainly do. I want to stay pure and I am doing everything I can to make sure that happens. However, he and I have different images of what that really is. It doesn't matter how many times I tell him where my boundaries are, he keeps crossing them. I have no clue why. It drives me insane. It wears me out. I cannot have this kind of pressure in my life constantly, but I don't want to lose him. I know my standards are high, but they are not unreachable. They are obtainable. But for some reason he doesn't seem to get it right.

And yet another issue is how he constantly makes fun of others. That really makes him sound like a cocky jerk. Everyone else has problems that are beyond repair in his eyes, and he lets you know it. He is never wrong, but you always are. He is too prideful. One day I wish he could see how I don't love him for all the great things he can do, or has accomplished, or how many girls stare at him: I love him for what he stands for, and what is in his heart, and how he treats me like I am a princess, and how he would do anything for me, and he lights up when he sees me. He is so much more than he has been acting lately.