Owning Up

I made a mistake. One of the many mistakes I have made in this Christian walk. I shouldn't have let it get to me like I did, but I read an article in our school paper at Drake and decided to comment on it with my own article. It was a comment about my employer that put it in a bad light. However, my anger got the best of me and I wrote a rebuttal. I felt I did a mature job of responding, but I said things from an angered student's perspective. I was not trying to speak on behalf of my company, but some people took it that way.

I now wrote a letter to the editor that will be published in the next issue, which states clearly that it was my opinion and had nothing to do with the company. I shouldn't have said in the article that I worked for the company. But I did. That is where everything went wrong. I wasn't trying to start anything. I just wanted to state what I felt from the side of the company I worked on. People can be so harsh toward this company most of the time and I didn't think it was fair.

Some students have responded poorly and immaturely on social media outlets about my post, and have been targeting the company instead of me. It is not the company's fault. They didn't know they hired someone as opinionated and pathetic as me. They didn't know I would tarnish the reputation of the company by trying to do the exact opposite. They didn't know they would have to deal with a PR crisis all because of me. However, these immature students are calling out to the company in negative ways because I am a "representative" of the company. That is simply not the case. It is my work-study job that I was assigned to. I love my job there but I was not part of an application process, I didn't have to sign any waivers about integrity, and I don't even get paid by this company.

I made a bad mistake. I don't regret that I did it. I regret that I said I worked for the company in my piece. I didn't mean any harm by it, but everyone seems to be taking it that way. I wasn't trying to be offensive (like I so often am), but apparently I was. This hit me hard. In another life, I would do things so much differently. Now I am beating myself up about this. I had several peers read it before I posted it, but they thought it was fine. Somewhere they were biased - just like me. They assumed no harm in writing that piece. And now I am in the center of a huge mess. If it wasn't for all the negative comments, then I wouldn't be so upset.

I put on this facade that what people say about me doesn't matter, but it does. It really does. I just want to be liked like everyone else. I just want to have a place I fit in. Now, all because I love this company so much and would defend it to the grave, I am fearing I will lose my job. Honestly, it will probably be the best for the company if I do. While I do feel like working here is probably the best experience I could have ever had on an on-campus job, I am sure they would benefit form getting rid of me.